Trust Fall

When I was a camp counselor, one of my favorite obstacles on our low ropes course was the Trust Fall. If you've never done one before, here's how it works: all but one person in the group face each other and make a 'net' with their arms - palms up, arms alternating next to each other. Then the one person climbs up on a small platform at the head of the group, usually about 5 feet or so off the ground. You turn around backwards, lock you arms across you chest, and scoot so your heels are hanging off the platform. Then comes the trust part - keeping yourself completely straight (if you bend at all, you greatly increase your chances of being dropped), you fall backwards into the waiting arms of your group. Once they catch you, they set you back on your feet, and the next person gets to go. Basically, it's several minutes of nervous anticipation followed by a few seconds of sheer terror followed by a huge rush of relief.

This is my life at the moment. After some complicated in-between years of soul searching and seeking, I've decided to turn my life on its head. I've spent the last 5 years after I graduated from college living in my hometown with my mom, working in the same company, going to the same church, and participating in a local college ministry. It wasn't perfect, and there were certainly days I was unhappy or wanted things to change, but it was safe. I am very much OCD and struggle with anxiety in general, so even when I was unhappy, it wasn't enough to push me to change anything. I don't know when that changed, but I finally decided it was time to do something. So up the platform I climbed.

Over the last few years of participating in a traveling worship team, I discovered I have a love for sign language. I had learned a little bit in the past, but more recently it became a way to share powerful and moving songs in worship. I started signing again because the music I wanted to share didn't have accompaniment tracks, so I couldn't sing it, and some songs don't lend themselves to mime or dance either. I started to wonder what life would be like if I actually decided to learn ASL (American Sign Language) in ernest. That's when God started placing things and people in my life to push me in that direction. I found a friend who knew others who had gone through an ASL program. I discovered references to it in my present life and even when I reminisced about things from childhood. I started taking those first few scary steps up the ladder.

My new home.

So here I am now. I've climbed the ladder, turned around, and leaned back. I enrolled in Vincennes University's ASL program. I quit my decent paying, good insurance providing job, and took a part time retail job 40 minutes away from the school. I said goodbye not just to my parents, but to my church family and my BCM family, including my mentor Roger who has helped walk me through so much of these last 5 years. I packed up a bunch of stuff and moved into a teeny tiny dorm room in an old building that has a lot of issues. I decided to become an RA, a reasonably tall order for an introvert like me. It all feels like falling, and I am trying my best not to try and fight it or freak out too much so that God can catch me and set me on my feet. He's made it clear this is where I'm suppose to be, no matter how many times I doubt it.

"'For I know the plans I have you for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" - Jeremiah 29:11

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9

Christmas Illos

A couple of sketches inspired by our Scripture readings the last two weeks at church. We've been camped out in Luke 2.

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.” So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told." 

- Luke 2:8-20

The Wingfeather Saga Trunk

Board to explain what my trunk was,
since most people wouldn't be familiar
with the theme.

Warning: long post!

Also: Click on the pictures to make them bigger!

I haven't posted anything for a while because I've been feverishly working on my trunk decorations and costume for my church's annual Trunk or Treat. As usual, my OCD-crafty-self got somewhat carried away, but the results were, as my friend Jess would say, EPIC. Not to mention a fitting fan art tribute to one of my favorite book series: The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson. (Peterson is also my favorite musician, but I'll save that story for another post). For several years now I have wanted to do a trunk inspired by the Wingfeather Saga, but I could never figure out how to do it. Turns out I was over thinking it, making it too complicated. So I simplified, and finally came up with something wonderful and doable.

The pic to the left is actual what started the whole idea spinning in my head (aside from loving the books). I always find the fact that Leeli's grandfather Podo carves her a crutch that says "LIZARDKICKER" in book 1 highly amusing. Basically, I wanted to find an excuse to dress up as Leeli so I could walk around with a crutch that said "Lizardkicker." Hence, the need to design a trunk around it! (Trunk or treat is kind of the only legitimate excuse I have left for dressing up in costume.) Though it was one of the last pieces I finished, you can see in the pic that I indeed created the infamous crutch. I used my Cricut to cut the letters out of vinyl, then stuck them on an old crutch we had stowed away in the garage. 

The rest of the idea came from rereading the books and taking copious notes about character and scene details, writing favorite quotes down, and then sketching out my idea in the notebook I use to design all of my trunks. 

Below are my original idea sketches for both the trunk and my Leeli costume: 

There were 3 main components to my trunk: the book poster, the sea dragons, and my costume. I started by using my notes to sketch out some of my favorite scenes, as well as some I thought might be intriguing to someone who had never read the books. I ended up with 11 sketches, plus a couple I had drawn a few months back. I drew in pencil, inked with my trusty sharpie pen, scanned into the computer & cleaned up, and then colored them using my favorite pastel settings in Painter. 

Here are just a few of my favorite sketches (click to make larger):

Left: The Sea Dragons and Nugget the Brave

Right: Janner and Tink opening the door in Anklejelly Manor

 Left: Leeli touching a seadragon

Right: Beneath the Moonbright Heavens (the saddest and most beautiful scene out of the 1st 3 books - I bawl like a baby every time.)

I had my mom print out the sketches, then I glued them onto a giant book poster I made out of matte board and posterboard. Then I added several of my favorite quotes from the books. 

Next came the sea dragons, which I made out of pool noodles, egg cartons, paint, construction paper, and lots of glue (hot glue melts pool noodles by the way!). Then I used my glimmer mist from my scrapbooking supplies to jazz them up. I used bricks and bailing wire to create rigs so that I could pose them in the 'sea' (the inside of my trunk draped in blue sheets). 

Two of the finished dragons:

For my costume, I got my wonderful amazing mom to help me (she is a much better seamstress than I am). She hemmed the sleeves of an old chemise for me, and made a mediaeval Russian style tunic with no pattern and next to no instructions (so I could wear it again the next time BK invites me to a SCA event.) Mom is also a potter, so I showed her the picture of Leeli's whistleharp from the back of one of the books - and she made that out of clay for me too. Like I said, she's amazing. I still have to tinker with it to see if I can get the whistle part to actually play, but it looks almost identical to the picture in the book!

I added a few little flairs of my own - I made a pin of the Annieran seal. I was originally going to use it to pin my cloak, but alas, I ran out of time and the cloak had to go. So I pinned it to my belt instead. I also borrowed a stuffed dog (for Nugget) from some friends and placed it on a stool with the actual books. It's all about the details. 

 

In the end it all came together and looked absolutley fabulous. It took a ton of work and more than a few late nights, but as usual it was just another typical project for me. Once I get going on an idea I don't stop. These books are wonderful, and I hope you'll look into reading them. You can find out more info and get the books at http://wingfeathersaga.com. Nothing more to say than to show off the finished trunk, so here it is:

Sketches from Scripture

Tonight at BCM Rose was talking about John 10:7-10 and Jesus being the gate. It reminded me of a sketch I did a few months back about the same verse when my pastor was preaching on the same set of verses. I've done several sketches over time inspired by scripture, so I thought I'd share some of them. I just finished scanning some that have been in my sketchbooks for a while, and I was surprised just how many there were! Some of them I drew during sermons. *gasp* I never thought I'd do that! One of my professors in college said he always did that and I used to think he was crazy. It's just not something I ever thought I would do - I raised or taught, if you will, that during the sermon you're suppose to sit and listen and do nothing else. I've found, however, that it helps me remember later on the story or the point of the message, which is pretty cool.

So below are a smattering of pencil sketches and fully finished art I've done over the last several years. Hopefully if you click on them the images will get bigger. 

Sometimes they're funny, like these two: 

Left: The whale slurping up Jonah              

Right: In Exodus 32, when Moses comes down from the mountain and Aaron had led the people in making the golden calf. It always sounded to me like Aaron was surprised and the calf just came out of nowhere. "It just . . .poof!"

 

I've tried to illustrate Psalm 23 and John 10 a few times. God as our shepherd. I like my cuddly sheep.

And some other well-known and lesser-known Bible stories:

Top Row: David with his slingshot; Hannah praying; the guy that Jesus healed after his friends lowered his through a roof

Middle: Mary Magdalene on Easter morning (left: at the sight of Jesus, right: telling Peter the news); I can't recall the Scripture for this one, but it's one of the stories where the guys are fishing, Jesus shows up on the beach, and Peter just jumps right out of the boat and swims to shore. I was trying to imagine all the weird looks his buddies must have given him. 

Bottom: Mary and Martha. I tried to capture the look on Mary's content face as she's listening to Jesus.

      

Some that don't necessarily have a 'story' behind them. 

Top: Matthew 6:25-34 (Do not worry); Isaiah 40:27-31 (run and not grow weary, soar on wings like eagles); caterpillar struggling to get out of his cocoon (dealing with troubles)

Middle: the widow who gave her last coin; a candle and a lighthouse from a message on being light

Bottom: from a message about service

    

 

Almost done! 2 more. These are 2 of my favorites: 

Exodus. Take off your shoes, for where you are standing is holy ground. A friend of mine once told me she takes her shoes of during praise & worship because of this verse. I often do the same now.

Inspired by the verses in Isaiah 6 when Isaiah sees the Lord.

I've Got More Than One Home

I started writing this post a few weeks ago, then got busy and just now looked it over to finish it. 

Written 4/23/13:

Tonight was the last TNT (Tuesday Night Together) at the Baptist Collegiate Ministry (BCM) on ISU's campus. The BCM is a mostly student-led organization that meets in an old house on the edge of ISU's campus here in Terre Haute. Each week, students from all the area colleges gather for a time of praise and worship, sharing, praying, and a message. Other times during the week there are Bible studies, and all kinds of events take place throughout the school year. Roger and Rose Bear oversee it all and inspire/encourage the students.

Standing in the presence of friends tonight, singing, listening to messages through song, skits, and testimony - and watching people get pied in the face to raise money for summer missions, I am reminded of why I so deeply love this place and these people. And what an unbelievable undeserved blessing Christ has bestowed on me by allowing me to be here. This place has been my lilly pad for almost 4 years now. Let me explain:

Author Anne Lamott describes her journey to faith in her book "Traveling Mercies" like this:

"My coming to faith did not start with a leap but rather a series of staggers from what seemed like one safe place to another. Like lilly pads, round and green, these places summoned and then held me up while I grew. Each prepared me for the next leaf on which I would land, and in this way I moved across the swamp of doubt and fear. When I look back at some of these early resting places . . . I can see how flimsy and indirect a path they made. Yet each step brought me closer to the verdant pad of faith on which I somehow stay afloat today." 

I feel like our journey once we come to faith is like that too, at least it has been for me. Jumping from lilly pad to lilly pad. Sometimes I fall off, sometimes I barely hang on, sometimes they slip from underneath me and I plunge head-first into the water. I could tell my whole faith journey using this lilly pads motif, but tonight I want to focus on just one. This one has comforted me, built me up, and helped me grow in ways I never dreamed possible. (Even though it took some nudging to get me to jump to it.)

That lilly pad is BCM.

I first heard about it from some guys at my church. They kept begging me to go, but since I went to school 3 hours away, I didn't see the point. (going there for one night, then vanishing for a couple months before I'd be able to go back again). When I moved home after graduation and took a job in town, I finally worked up the courage to try it out. At first it was awkward - Andrew and Isaac were the only people I knew. But the music was great, and it reminded me of my chapels back up in Huntington. I kept going back, and before long it became a second home.

Over the last four years, I have made so many friends, found a mentor in Roger, found a passion for leading worship with the travel team (and a passion for finding new ways to express music in worship). Rose and the summer missionaries inspire me with their service mindedness. They are both holy and hilarious, these Christ filled people. And cool enough to not care that there's a 26-year-old in there midst that already finished what they're in the middle of. 

There's a Christa Wells song called "You've Got a Home" that I love. I'm not entirely sure what Christa was actually getting at when she wrote this song, but for me, it will always and forevermore remind of the BCM. Here are the lyrics:

"Mountains melt into valleys and

you suddenly find yourself in shadowlands

where all of life seems out of your hands

don't think you've got no one left

Here's the key to my front door

I got a pillow if you lost yours

you got a seat at my table

you've got a home

Here's somebody who believes you

Let truth remind you 

you've always got a place to go to

you've got a home

Rain has come for all of us

pours out a different tune for everyone

there's rhythm and rhyme inside the dissonance

we'll listen for it side by side

Here's the key to my front door

I got a pillow if you lost yours

you got a seat at my table

you've got a home

Here's somebody who believes you

Let truth remind you 

you've always got a place to go to

you've got a home"

~ lyrics from "You've Got a Home" by Christa Wells, from the album 'Frame the Clouds'

Every word of that embodies the BCM. I know that no matter what I've got a home with these people, at this place. It was a lilly pad I struggled onto and found shelter on. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm preparing to jump. I can feel the lilly pad shifting under me. I'm scared to death - I have no idea where the next pad is. but I feel like I'm being prepared to leave. I don't know if I'll get another year here, but I intend to enjoy it as long as I'm here. And I know when I do leave, it's always a safe place I can return to. And people who will be with me and cheer me on even after I'm gone. 

Sometimes Things Click

It amazes me sometimes how God works. Like when you hear the same scripture verse multiple times in the same week, or the right song comes on the radio at the exact right moment, etc. Well, tonight one of those weird-cool God things happened to me. I go the Baptist Collegiate Ministry on ISU's campus on Tuesday nights whenever I can make it. It's been such a huge blessing in my life (another post on that later). Tonight Rose, one of the BCM leaders, spoke on "spurring one another on toward love and good deeds" (see Hebrew 10:24). Basically, on encouraging one another. One of the last points she touched on was encouraging others by sharing your own story. She challenged us all to go to www.MostImportantThing.org - a site where you can share your testimony. I've heard Roger and Rose both talk about this site before and I've always wanted to do it but haven't yet.

But here's why Rose's challenge to share your story was a God thing -

My first OLW assignment (see previous post here) was to make 12 intentions for the year. Here's my intention pages that I created back in January:

So no big deal there - but now take a closer look at my April intention: (and note that today is April 2)

Yeah. I'd call that a God thing.

So here I sit trying to type up my spiritual story. As soon as I can pare multiple pages down to 300 words (a The Most Important Thing requirement), I will post my story on there. And I hope to share the full multi-page story with some of the close people in my life. Thanks for the encouragement Rose!

BELIEVE Vision Board

      The February prompt for OLW was to create a 'vision board.' Ali described is as "a visual intention—a collection of images and words of what you’d like to invite into your life." So I busted out some canvas, paint, mod podge, glimmer mist, and stickles and went to work. I collected images from a couple different magazines as well as some I printed out from Pinterest, and I cut two images on my Cricut to use. On went the paint, then the mod podge, a medium I have never used before. Can't say that I love it; I don't like how it makes the paper crinkle. Since I knew it would turn out that way from looking at Ali's example I was okay with it. Once I got everything glued down, I sprayed some glimmer mist and make some stickle shooting stars. 
      I also wrote a verse my friend Caleb has been talking about lately - 2 Timothy 1:7 "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." It seemed to go right along with my word and my intentions for it. Some of the images relate directly to my word: cross - believe in God's promises, mirrors - believe in myself, fantasy/mediaeval dress - make believe. Other's are just one's I found that I like. All of it combined makes an interesting visual for my word.
     Here's the finished board:

Goodbye 'GO,' Hello 'BELIEVE'

This will be my third year participating in something called "One Little Word." I first learned about it on Ali Edward's blog, and now I'm taking her "One Little Word" class via Big Picture Classes for the second year in a row. So what is OLW? Here's some thoughts from Ali herself:

"A single word can be a powerful thing. It can be the ripple in the pond that changes everything. It can be sharp and biting or rich and soft and slow. From my own personal experience, it can be a catalyst for enriching your life. In 2006, I began a tradition of choosing one word for myself each January—a word that I can focus on, meditate on, and reflect upon as I go about my daily life. . . These words have each become a part of my life in one way or another. They've been embedded into who I am, and into who I'm becoming. They've been what I've needed (and didn't know I needed). They've helped me to breathe deeper, to see clearer and to grow. It can be something tangible or intangible. It can be a thought, a feeling, or an emotion. It can be singular or plural. The key is to find something that has personal meaning for you. This is not your mother's word or your spouse's word or your child's word—this is YOUR word. One little word can have big meaning in your life if you allow yourself to be open to the possibilities." - Ali Edwards, taken from the OLW 2013 Workshop Page

Each year I make a necklace
with my word to be a
constant reminder.

It's a really interesting and often revealing process, this OLW. Last year, my word was 'GO.' When I started the year, I thought for sure that meant physically going (namely, to move out of my mom's house). Well, here I still sit, so that certainly wasn't what happened! It mostly ended up being about two phrases: 'Let Go' and 'Go Back.' Let Go - of all the hurts of the past and of everyone else's expectations for me. The only expectation that matters is God's. Be willing to trust God's control and plan for my life. Go Back - remembering what made me, 'me' in the first place. Especially the creative me. I had a nervous breakdown several years ago and have been struggling to regain both my self-confidence in me as a person and me as an artist since then. Also, remembering why I believe what I do and relying on the promises of God. Are either of these phrases complete in me yet? Certainly not! But I think they are stepping stones that God is helping me to work through - so that I can physically go and move on to the next stage of my life. So 2012 ended not quite how I planned, but with more self-awareness than I've ever had before. 

So, so long, 'GO' - and Hello 'BELIEVE.'

My word for this year is 'BELIEVE.' Right now, it mostly means believing in myself, and 'make believe' - awakening my creative spirit. Who knows where this word will take me by the end of the year. I look forward to the journey!