Trust Fall

When I was a camp counselor, one of my favorite obstacles on our low ropes course was the Trust Fall. If you've never done one before, here's how it works: all but one person in the group face each other and make a 'net' with their arms - palms up, arms alternating next to each other. Then the one person climbs up on a small platform at the head of the group, usually about 5 feet or so off the ground. You turn around backwards, lock you arms across you chest, and scoot so your heels are hanging off the platform. Then comes the trust part - keeping yourself completely straight (if you bend at all, you greatly increase your chances of being dropped), you fall backwards into the waiting arms of your group. Once they catch you, they set you back on your feet, and the next person gets to go. Basically, it's several minutes of nervous anticipation followed by a few seconds of sheer terror followed by a huge rush of relief.

This is my life at the moment. After some complicated in-between years of soul searching and seeking, I've decided to turn my life on its head. I've spent the last 5 years after I graduated from college living in my hometown with my mom, working in the same company, going to the same church, and participating in a local college ministry. It wasn't perfect, and there were certainly days I was unhappy or wanted things to change, but it was safe. I am very much OCD and struggle with anxiety in general, so even when I was unhappy, it wasn't enough to push me to change anything. I don't know when that changed, but I finally decided it was time to do something. So up the platform I climbed.

Over the last few years of participating in a traveling worship team, I discovered I have a love for sign language. I had learned a little bit in the past, but more recently it became a way to share powerful and moving songs in worship. I started signing again because the music I wanted to share didn't have accompaniment tracks, so I couldn't sing it, and some songs don't lend themselves to mime or dance either. I started to wonder what life would be like if I actually decided to learn ASL (American Sign Language) in ernest. That's when God started placing things and people in my life to push me in that direction. I found a friend who knew others who had gone through an ASL program. I discovered references to it in my present life and even when I reminisced about things from childhood. I started taking those first few scary steps up the ladder.

My new home.

So here I am now. I've climbed the ladder, turned around, and leaned back. I enrolled in Vincennes University's ASL program. I quit my decent paying, good insurance providing job, and took a part time retail job 40 minutes away from the school. I said goodbye not just to my parents, but to my church family and my BCM family, including my mentor Roger who has helped walk me through so much of these last 5 years. I packed up a bunch of stuff and moved into a teeny tiny dorm room in an old building that has a lot of issues. I decided to become an RA, a reasonably tall order for an introvert like me. It all feels like falling, and I am trying my best not to try and fight it or freak out too much so that God can catch me and set me on my feet. He's made it clear this is where I'm suppose to be, no matter how many times I doubt it.

"'For I know the plans I have you for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" - Jeremiah 29:11

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9